Having now lived in France for over a year, I can say that I’ve learned a thing or two about French culture and also made my fair share of mistakes. But I’ve bounced back from my embarrassment to bring you the learnings I’ve gleaned from all my experiences. Whether you are just visiting or moving to France, avoid committing the following faux pas (in no specific order) to have a great time.
1. Not saying bonjour
The first thing to say when addressing a French person you don’t know is bonjour, not excusez-moi. If you skip the bonjour (or bonsoir after sunset), you will be perceived as rude. If you accidentally go straight to your question, you’ll likely be met by a bonjour and a stare, and there will be silence until you say it back.
2. Initiating a hug or rejecting a bise
When meeting new people, don’t try to initiate hugs because the French are not big huggers. Instead, be prepared to do the bise, which is what they call their cheek kisses. Bises are especially common with and between women, so mentally prepare yourself to avoid being caught off guard. If someone leans in to kiss you and you stick out your hand, it can be a very awkward situation that is hard to recover from (trust me, I’ve experienced it).
3. Addressing someone as mademoiselle
Traditionally, madame was used for married women and mademoiselle was used for unmarried young women. Nowadays, there is a shift to addressing all women as madame. And since it’s impossible to know who might find the term mademoiselle dated or presumptuous, it’s easier to just use madame for all.
4. Saying tu when you should say vous
The English “you” translates to two registers in French: the formal vous and the informal tu. With friends, family, colleagues, and people your age or younger, tu is usually fine. With everyone else (elders, superiors, strangers), use vous. When in doubt, use vous because it is safer to err on the side of greater politeness. That being said, people will understand that learners of French make mistakes, so there’s also no need to stress about it too much.
5. Wearing the wrong swim shorts to a pool
In France, men must wear tight bathing suits to the pool, not loose bathing shorts. If you show up in beach-style trunks, you will likely be denied entry. This rule was created to preserve cleanliness of pool water. The logic is that authorities cannot be sure that your beach trunks have not been worn outdoors and collected dirt, whereas they can be reasonably certain that your Speedos have never touched the seats of the Paris metro, for example.
6. Showing off your money
Ironically, people in France, the land of luxury, do not like outward displays of wealth. As such, avoid talking about how much money you have or swinging around your Gucci bag. It’s absolutely okay to own brand names, but consider sporting them in a tasteful and subdued way. LV head to toe is not the way to go.
7. Being early or on time to a party
If you’ve been invited to a party, don’t show up too on time, and especially not early. Instead, arrive 15-30 minutes late. This gives the host more time to prepare, and you also avoid being the lone guest for too long. But if you are good friends with the host and you know that he or she appreciates punctuality (or if it’s a type of gathering that necessitates punctuality), then this rule would obviously not apply.
8. Expecting guests to bring dishes
The concept of potluck doesn’t really exist in France. People might bring a drink or some snacks, but no one will be bringing a full dish to your dinner party. Keep this in mind when organising a gathering to avoid under-preparing the amount of food required.
9. Not sharing your alcohol
If you’re from some parts of the world, you might be used to BYOBs (parties or gatherings where you bring your own beer). You bring alcohol for your own consumption, and other guests do the same. This does not exist in France, where alcohol is meant to be shared and enjoyed together. Not much else needs to be said, other than… sharing is caring!
10. Not making adequate eye contact when cheersing
The French are serious about their wine, and as such, you probably already know that you should clink glasses before starting to drink. What you might not know, however, is that you must be sure to clink and make eye contact with every single person. It’s not enough to just hastily raise your glass toward the middle once. Instead, in France people expect you to clink their specific glass, look them in the eyes, and say santé (health), or something else of the sort.
11. Eating a burger with your hands
More often than not, burgers are eaten with a fork and knife in France, even in casual meals. I’ve asked French friends if it would be rude to eat it with my hands, and though they always say it’s not a big deal, I’ve never seen them doing it themselves. So if you want to blend in, use your utensils. This one makes me chuckle because I know that if I ate burgers the French way back home in Canada or the US, I would definitely be called pretentious.
12. Taking debates too personally
Compared to people from Anglo-American cultures, the French prefer to speak their mind. They are less averse to debates and so are more inclined to share their opinions on topics that we might find sensitive. If this happens to you, try not to get offended or flustered. One time at work, I witnessed a female colleague expressing to her male colleague that she did not agree with his approach to managing finances with his girlfriend. They had a full debate and then went to cool down over coffee, and neither person was upset by the exchange (meanwhile I was shocked by what I had just witnessed in the workplace). This example illustrated to me that the French do not necessarily see debates as conflicts, but rather one way to strengthen rapport.
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