1. #1
    Avatar de barmok
    Antoine 30 ans

    Location
    Melbourne Victoria, Australie
    Messages
    25
    Likes reçus
    5
    Hello everyone I'm Antoine, I'm from Belgium and I'm very glad that I found Pvtistes.net because I realize that this program could help me greatly in those dreams I have.
    First let me tell you a bit about me self.
    I'm studying I.T. in Brussels and I should get my master degree as an engineer in June 2015 if everything goes as plan.
    I found out about PVT because my school has a relationship with someone in Montreal to do the internship, that is required in order to complete my degree.
    So it all started from there, I'm now quiet sure that I'm going to spend 4 months as a intern programmer in Montreal after which I will have to come back to Belgium to present my work and get my results, but I'm going back to Canada once everything is take care of (could someone correct me on how to put it correctly?).
    I wish to come back but not in Montreal, more likely somewhere high in altitude.
    Then once my canadian PVT is expired I'll come back to Europe to finish the winter, I have a few plans to enjoy the end of the skiing season.
    Then before summer comes I wish to do get a PVT for New Zealand because one of my dreams is to live a 8+ months winter.
    In New Zealand I hope to find something that allows me to enjoy their great mountains through the year that I'll be there.

    I'll then be 26-27 so if I have the money and the energy I'll think about an other trip but it's yet to be decided.

    I wrote this so if anyone wants to feel free to read it, correct me, comment it ...
    It will be my pleasure to have your feed back on my plans.

    Have a good day.

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  3. #2
    Anonyme
    Hey Antoine,

    Your text was generally good; it's a good beginning. I'll flag the main things:

    Message de barmok
    First let me tell you a bit about me self.
    Feedback: the last word should read "myself"

    Message de barmok
    I found out about PVT
    Feedback: « PVT » is commonly referred to as "WHV" in English. It stands for "working holiday visa"

    Message de barmok
    I should get my master degree as an engineer
    Feedback: The diploma is usually referred to as a "master's degree". In a situation where you would be talking specifically about your degree you would capitalize the first letter as follows: "Master of Engineering". There are some tips here.

    Message de barmok
    I'm now quiet sure
    Feedback: "quiet" means "silencieux" in French. I think you meant to write "quite".

    Message de barmok
    and get my results
    Feedback: Most English speakers will understand if you used "results" in this context. However, the term "grade" is more common in this context.

    Message de barmok
    So it all started from there, I'm now quiet sure that I'm going to spend 4 months as a intern programmer in Montreal after which I will have to come back to Belgium to present my work and get my results, but I'm going back to Canada once everything is take care of (could someone correct me on how to put it correctly?).
    Feedback: keep your sentences short and be mindful of verb tenses. If I were to keep the whole text, I would suggest rephrasing as follows:

    So it all started from there. I'm now quite sure that I'm going to spend 4 months as an intern programmer in Montreal. Afterwards, I will return to Belgium to present my work and get my grades, then I'll come back to Canada once everything is take care of.

    Message de barmok
    I wish to come back but not in Montreal, more likely somewhere high in altitude.
    Feedback: the use of the verb "wish" doesn't seem to make since in this context; "When I come back, I would like (or I would prefer) to live in a different city, somehere situated at a higher altitude" would be more logicial. You had already mentionned Montreal at the beginning of your text so it's necessary to repeat it again.

    Message de barmok
    PVT for New Zealand
    Feedback: "WHV in New Zeland"

    Message de barmok
    I'll think about an other trip
    Feedback: small typo here; it's spelled "another"

    I'll stop here. Like I wrote at the beginning, it's generally good. Hopefully, this feedback will help.

  4. #3
    Avatar de barmok
    Antoine 30 ans

    Location
    Melbourne Victoria, Australie
    Messages
    25
    Likes reçus
    5
    Message de igloo
    Hey Antoine,

    Your text was generally good; it's a good beginning. I'll flag the main things:


    Feedback: the last word should read "myself"


    Feedback: « PVT » is commonly referred to as "WHV" in English. It stands for "working holiday visa"


    Feedback: The diploma is usually referred to as a "master's degree". In a situation where you would be talking specifically about your degree you would capitalize the first letter as follows: "Master of Engineering". There are some tips here.


    Feedback: "quiet" means "silencieux" in French. I think you meant to write "quite".


    Feedback: Most English speakers will understand if you used "results" in this context. However, the term "grade" is more common in this context.


    Feedback: keep your sentences short and be mindful of verb tenses. If I were to keep the whole text, I would suggest rephrasing as follows:

    So it all started from there. I'm now quite sure that I'm going to spend 4 months as an intern programmer in Montreal. Afterwards, I will return to Belgium to present my work and get my grades, then I'll come back to Canada once everything is take care of.


    Feedback: the use of the verb "wish" doesn't seem to make since in this context; "When I come back, I would like (or I would prefer) to live in a different city, somehere situated at a higher altitude" would be more logicial. You had already mentionned Montreal at the beginning of your text so it's necessary to repeat it again.


    Feedback: "WHV in New Zeland"


    Feedback: small typo here; it's spelled "another"

    I'll stop here. Like I wrote at the beginning, it's generally good. Hopefully, this feedback will help.
    Thanks a lot for your feedback. I'll try to put your advises to good use.
    I noticed that some of the mistakes were wade because I didn't read cautiously my text before posting. (me self => myself, an other => another) I have that problem in my mother tongue as well.
    About the long sentences it's also a problem that I have in my mother tongue.

    Thanks again.